The poet Mary Oliver says,
“This is the first, wildest and wisest thing I know, that the soul exists and it is built entirely out of attentiveness.”
It hit me like a ton of bricks, that if I continued to allow myself to use the same excuse that the holiday season is a time for indulging , and the new year season a remorseful time spent on clean up duty; my life would miss out on someone essential; Me. I would not be present to enjoy my life and nourish my own soul. I would just be too busy doing mild damage and catching back up as a body rhythm pattern.
I used to start every new year with the same dragging feelings of here I go again...time to clean up my mess. Mid fall I would make a statement saying…,
“I’m just going to enjoy the season and worry about the damage on New Years.”
So, as you can imagine, after an extended holiday season which would begin as early as mid October with my birthday, moving into Halloween, then into Thanksgiving, then up through the Winter holidays; by January 1st of every year I would be so sick of the crazy ride that I would long to stop. I , like so many of us, would use the season as an excuse to indulge.
For me, food would be my companion as I would navigate the lonely, lost, grieving, depressed or hurt feelings loitering deep inside of me or the overwhelming challenges of life that were in front of me. There are so many ways we are culturally supported to numb out this time of year from places inside us calling for our presence.
For a long time, the only way I understood how to stop would be to reel myself in like a cruel taskmaster; discipline myself, work out excessively, go on repeated cleanses and diets, and feel like I needed to hide away till springtime when I would finally have myself in better check and form.
" This cycle would spin me through the seasons like a machine doing a wash, rinse, repeat until I finally finally finally said ENOUGH!!! "
Ironically, it wasn’t until I had perfected the art of this circular operation that I became truly bored with it. Way too much of my energy was focusing on this pattern rather than on the present moment. I knew it was time to find a new way. It took me awhile to catch on to the fact that this repetition was no longer an acceptable way to live my life. I knew I needed to be rigorous in my commitment to pay better attention to my inner dialogue with myself and just truly say no and set boundaries with any thoughts or behaviors that weren’t coming from the present commitment to compassionate self love and forgiveness.
Finally committing to change where I put my attention and focus opened codes to my soul’s gate that I had longed for. By choosing to love myself with my own presence and attention I healed this outdated pattern permanently. I also healed my neediness. I know how hard this stuff can be and feel a huge relief in every fiber of my being in gratitude for the change.
"What we give our attention to grows and how we speak to ourselves is a direct messenger to how we feel and how our body responds. "
I firmly believe that our soul is always listening waiting for a moment to shine and if we are too busy managing the externals from old patterns we miss out on the beauty of being here.
Are you sick of your continued cycles and ready for some change? Ready to truly make 2020 the year that you kicked your old story out and landed you home. I know each of you came here with a gift to share that only your special beingness can offer in your unique way! I have been working with people as an Embodied Soul Coach, intuitive counselor and embodiment teacher for nearly 30 years now, doing work individually with folks, as well as leading all sorts of groups, classes and retreats. My work utilizes presence, guidance, intuition, shadow work, conscious movement, breath, embodied soul coaching, dance, creativity and improv, writing, mindset , the rhythms of acceptance, meditation, awareness, release work and resourcing work. I have learned through the good grace of working with 1000’s of amazing humans that change is fully possible when we are truly in our bodies and breathing with our attention in the present moment.
" Change happens by what we pay attention to."
Change does not happen by paying attention to detailed plans from old stories and patterns that no longer serve. Repetition happens there. I am dedicated to helping people who are truly ready to go to the depths of their inner being and come home to themselves. Change happens when we pay attention to all the ways we credit ourselves and have compassion for ourselves and face our true feelings and become present to the intuition and listening and guidance within. Let’s start our New Year with a real resolution.
Let's do this!