This early morning I went walking around Bidwell Park as I often do to start my day before work.
The rain falling lightly keeping a beat to the pace of my breath. Sometimes I walk with a companion and catch up on our lives but, most days I find solace and ground in my solo time. I have learned to embrace being alone yet, this was not always the case. Today I go inside to be with myself. I choose to walk alone and to witness the content of my thoughts, while rhythmically moving my feet crunching over the fallen autumn leaves landed in winter patterns underneath me.
If you are one of those people who don’t like to do things by yourself, you are not alone.
So many of us feel uncomfortable without the presence of another. I remember a time I would pretend I was waiting for someone at a cafe when I was in my 20's rather than admit I was sitting alone. At some point back then I surrendered; realizing I'd rather be doing what I want then hiding away waiting. Soon I became that person who would get up on the dancefloor at a bar or an outdoor venue and start dancing even when no one else was moving. I would go hiking solo. I would go out for dinner and to a movie or performance alone and take myself out on a date. I grew tired of waiting for others to give me permission to be myself. Life became much more adventurous.
These days, it's easy to not be alone as the cell phone has become many of our best quick connection companions as we culturally learned to manage the vulnerability of feeling disconnected or manage the dire need to be connected, by a quick flick and scroll into social media or texting.
Making a conscious decision to unplug and be in a quiet space or out in nature can be an incredible healing reset.
I believe that so many of us refuse to be in our aloneness because we are uncomfortable with our own inner voices and the conversations we bare witness to inside the recesses of our minds. Inhabiting ourselves from the inside allows for all that we need to begin moving towards embracing ourselves and a life where we are unafraid of our own experience.
I have found that it is only by taking the time to cultivate a real curiosity and receptivity to what is happening inside of us that we are able to begin to land in ourselves. One of the ways we find what is actually actually inside of us means hearing, facing, listening to and witnessing where we are out of alignment. We do know when we are acting out of integrity with our deepest wishes and expressions.
As I walk this morning, I feel the lightness in my heart of having many years ago now decided to truly embrace that I am my own best friend. I now feel this friend consistently living from within. I wouldn’t say it is an easy task to find deep peace with ourselves in this world however it is essential. I also would add that having close friends is an important part of being able to truly gain self-reflection and clear self-perception. ,
Honestly, itis not only a necessary task to embrace our aloneness, but the only task that allows for a true living vitality and deep peace to emerge. When we take the time to cultivate our soul’s aliveness and practice living in the way that lights us up we begin to become comfortable and celebratory in our own skin.
We are born alone and we die alone. Even if someone is there with us, we are the ones who reckon with our life choices and soothe our own hearts at the core. Like one of my beloved teacher's, Gabrielle Roth would say to her students, "If you aren't interested in yourself, who will be?"
A worthy task don’t you think?
I’ve learned resistance is futile as it always comes back to being comfortable with our own inner world. Having incredible friends and loved ones along the way of life is wonderful but, they won't make up for a lack of connection to our own selves. Be open to embracing your moments of solitude when they arrive. Greet them as a precious opportunity! Bring what is stuck in a rut to light and get in there to do the inner work of transformation. You will not be disappointed!
Watch your soul attitude towards your solitude! Your soul is always listening to your inner attitude! Soul LIT attitude creates a medicine mindset day! Embrace this step and I promise you it gets easier and it gets better!